..... NOT A FULL-STOP

I am writing after a long time. Lot of reasons for that. I have been compelled to write about the great Wimbledon victory... India's gold at the Olympics.. India's defeat at the Davis Cup tie. But I let myself believe I never had the time.
Soumya Viswananthan has probably made me pause.. and write what's on my mind.
I have always been a very emotional person. The entire incident did not hit me until I came to work that night and saw one of my colleagues just watching the TV screens and almost willing it all to rewind to the minute before it all allegedly happened.. He was to have dinner with Soumya the next day. Soumya herself was about to go on a vacation to spend time with her family.
Life is very strange... In that it keeps telling you how wonderful it is... And just when you feel it is all oh-so-very beautiful.. Something comes along to make it all seem an illusion..
I do not know what happened that night.. And I am beginning to feel I really wouldn't even want to be told anything.

I sat for hours with a friend at work.. Just wondering. I suddenly felt weird being part of a channel that was covering all this. To think that my channel actually took up the news just because another station did (I am led to believing this) is making me feel worse.

But I think what made me tremble a bit was that this was close to home. I knew her.. I knew her well enough to shed tears and feel angry at whoever did this! You always think these things do not happen... unless it happens to someone around you.

I do not know if this was a freak accident.. Or if it was planned... And heaven knows what really happened.. But everytime the bulletins re-rolled and her pictures splashed across the monitor, there would be a dull, painful knot twirling in the pit of my stomach, refusing to go away.

These things do not happen. And should not happen. I (for the first time) felt scared to leave for home the night later (I am on a 6pm to 2am shift). I waited till I could see the sky and took a cab home.. I feel safe when I see a blue sky. And see my folks & friends around me.

I have had innumerable fights with my folks.. More so my dad.. who would stay awake till I came back home.. Got into bed and gave him a call.. And he would ask me mundane questions at 3 in the morning - 'Are you inside your house?' 'Locked your doors?' 'Goodnight dear'.

I do not feel like fighting with him anymore... because some day during one of those fights he had said that he & mum were always restless till I got home..
I know what he means now...
I feel for Soumya's family.. because... no matter what!.. This should not have happened! And no one deserves this..

I pray and hope that her family finds the strength to be able to move on.. To look at her photo on the walls in their homes, say a prayer and walk on.

Soumya will live on.. In the times she spent with her friends.. In the schools and colleges she studied in.. In the friends she spread joy to.. In her home and her workplace..